This year has already been full of "one year anniversaries" regarding Robin's sickness. One year since she was diagnosed. One year since her last birthday. One year since we went tubing down the river as a family. One year since we thought we were in the clear. I am constantly reminded. As we come up on the worst "one year anniversaries", almost at the worst one yet, I am reminded that my aunt is an angel who doesn't leave my side and that she knows I still need her to be with me. She isn't gone, I just can't see her. A little while back, some of my family and our friends posted these links on Facebook about spirituality and the meaning of seeing 11:11, 1:11, 12:34... Etc. Repetitive numbers on clocks and how it meant that you are on the right path in life if you constantly see these numbers. I myself believe in spirituality and that the universe has a plan and all of that kind of stuff but I am also a logical person so I don't always believe everything. I can be skeptical sometimes. I read those links and moved on. I didn't read too much into it. Now, something about myself... I have never really felt like I was where I was meant to be. I've lived in a lot of different town/cities both on and off of this island. I've tried new things and moved and tried new things again. I've lived in Vancouver and worked at a busy Cactus Club and did the city thing and I've lived in Ladysmith and lived the small town life to the fullest (which I still do from time to time), but no place or person ever felt like home. (Besides my aunt.) In all that searching, I would always just end up back in my parents house. Back to square one. When Robin was sick, I moved home. I needed to be with her. I worked a couple of jobs but they never lasted because I really just wanted to be in bed next to her and I don't regret that decision. But after she left, I decided that this is my time to make my life everything I've always wanted it to be. Nothing was holding me back and there was no reason I couldn't take a leap of faith... But the difference was, it was going to last this time.
So, I moved back to the only city that has ever felt like home since I moved out of my hometown. I moved into a cute little apartment by myself that I'm in love with and I even got my dream job. I made absolutely incredible friends who I now consider family... And aside from this being the hardest year of my life, it has absolutely been the best year of my life. There have been rocky moments but where I am now is worth it all.
Now, back to the 11:11 thing... Last month I started noticing that I would see 11:11 on the clock here or there which I never did before. I thought nothing of it. But as the days went on, I would see 11:11/1:11 sometimes four times daily. The other day, I saw 11:11 on a broken clock when it wasn't even 11:11. It is everywhere. There are no coincidences. These things happen all around us if you believe and if you pay attention. This one is big for me though. For me, this one is Robin saying... You're doing it all right. I'm proud of you. Because this girl used to come to my house and clean once a month. This girl used to cook me frozen dinners so I wouldn't have to do it myself. This girl moved me to a new city... The very city that I consider home now. This girl got me my first job and helped me become an adult. So I know that even from Heaven or wherever she is, she is looking at me and thinking that I'm exactly where I should be and that maybe she doesn't have to worry so much anymore. I'm gonna be just fine.
